Lymphoma Aftermath Part 3:

Back to life, back to reality… in a good way!

Work in progress:

Despite my tabloid journalist background, I would never claim to have stared death in the face during my cancer journey.

But I certainly felt I came uncomfortably close last year. And that gives me a new perspective on life, as I’ve said before.

While many people moan about the daily drudgery of work, I’m just so glad to be alive and back among my colleagues both within journalism and the sector I now cover – the convenience store industry.

Yes, the return to work has been challenging – and many people have asked me to write a blog post about it because they are curious to know more.

Thankfully, I have been fully supported by my boss, colleagues, family, friends and medics. This has undoubtedly made the experience much easier and more positive.

From the first working week in January until the second full week in February, I had a phased return to the office – starting with three half days and gradually building up to working Monday to Friday full-time.

Throughout, there have been no issues about attending follow-up medical appointments and everyone is keen to ensure I don’t overdo things and set myself back.

The challenges have come from trying to remember even the basics of our publishing system to struggling to understand the latest developments in the world of convenience stores.

I put that down to “chemo brain” and, as my haematologist said, the old grey matter is a bit like a muscle: if you haven’t stretched it for a while, it can take some time to get fully functioning.

Other side effects from the cancer treatment have also impacted me at work. The numbness I’ve described in my last post has turned into full-blown neuropathy (more of which later) in my hands and feet.

So I sometimes struggle to hold a pen or be able to write properly when interviewing people.

After the strains of publishing both the (bumper-sized) March edition of Scottish Grocer and the April edition were plainly showing physically, I was sent home after we went to press on each occasion and told to rest up the following day.

And there was no doubt that I needed that break. I still get tired quickly – hence I’ve avoided invitations to work-related evening events, because I know I wouldn’t do them justice.

Nonetheless, while I’ve missed a few great networking opportunities, it’s the people who have made returning to work so enjoyable.

It’s been wonderful to enjoy the chit-chat and share some laughs with fellow journalists and sales staff in the office.

I’ve also been able to reconnect with colleagues in the convenience channel or food and drink industries.

Some of the in-person contact has been so life-affirming, it’s hard to describe. But I particularly enjoyed going to a retail crime conference, touring the East Kilbride Coca-Cola factory and joining my GroceryAid Scotland branch charity colleagues for our AGM.

Am I back to my “A-game” yet? My honest answer would be “no”. But I’m definitely working towards that goal and being spurred on by so many people around me.

Tingling… maybe with excitement?:

The numb legs and feet I described in December, which also affects my hands, turns out to be peripheral neuropathy.

It’s caused by damage to the nerves outside the brain and spinal cord, causing weakness, numbness, pain and a loss of balance.

The condition is, apparently, a common side-effect of chemotherapy and usually disappears – although I’m told it will probably be as far away as September before we’ll know for sure whether I’ve got it for the rest of my days.

Along with my muscle loss, I reckon it explains why I don’t always feel steady on my feet or feel clumsy when trying to write.

The pain that I experience is usually fleeting but, particularly with my feet, feels like someone is stabbing my toes or balls of my feet with a knitting needle. Still, I’ll take living with neuropathy over not being here at all!

I was concerned that the lack of balance would make me fall over – for example, when golfing.

But those fears have been put to rest recently as I’ve played a few rounds of golf for the first time in about 10 months following a couple of lessons with out club pro.

However, all the worries I had were quickly laid to rest, in the company of my golf friends along with a dry and, ultimately, sunny day.

I struck the ball well, by my standards, and I’ve enjoyed the laughs I’ve had with my golf pals. Moreover, I have been playing to my dismal handicap – something I’ve rarely achieved in years!

So I’m definitely getting back into the swing of things and being spurred on by so many friends.

Many people will know I’ve also always loved my food and drink so much. So, while my senses of taste and smell are still significantly reduced, almost to zero, I hope that they will return. And I’ve been encouraged by the fact that I can, for example, now taste the difference between a Chinese chicken curry and a sweet and sour dish.

And meetings, tests and examinations with both the haematology team and my ENT consultant in the last few weeks all point to the fact that I am continuing to recover well. I won’t now see them again until June!

Next up, come some 60th birthday celebrations and a fundraising event for the Beatson Cancer Charity, one of the organisations that has helped me the most through this cancer journey. Bring it on!